House A Bard
Have you ever wanted
to own you bard? Someone who would play music for you while you eat dinner?
Sing you a lullaby? Or how about play a lovely "good morning" song that
would get your blood flowing before you head off to work?
Well, you're in luck! Now you can have your very own pair of bards with
the all new House-A-Bard Program.
Top 27 reasons why should you
House-A-Bard?
- Bards look great on the mantle,
and there are two of us so we make great book ends.
- We'll play for food.
- You can host a house party
while we're there, and we'll play?
- Support the arts without giving
to a political party or wondering how your money is being used.
- It's tax deductible!
(Well, we're not sure about that, but it sounds cool)
- You'll have two Brobdingnagian
lads to help work in the fields for a day or two. (at least, while we're
there)
- You'll never have to say your
sorry. We'll do that for you.
- We'll tuck you in at night
and sing you a lullaby.
- Nothing gets a romantic meal
going better than real- life troubadors serenading you.
- We're musicians who actually
appreciate hygiene and cleanliness.
- We'll teach/perform stupid
bard tricks.
- We scream loudly when poked
by hot, sharp, cold, blunt objects. Doubly so in the morning.
- Marc makes a great babysitter.
(HEY!!)
(After the kids have tied up Andrew)
- Did I mention hygiene? (No
need to spray for fleas afterwards. That's only for minstrels.)
- We don't mind sleeping with
the dog in the dog house.
(You should see some of Andrew's ex's)
- We know how to use a blender.
(Push a button, right?)
- If you don't, we'll be forced
to go out onto the street.
(Or some other guilt-related argument.)
- If you do, we MAY breed with
the locals.
- We don't eat much. We're musicians.
We're used to starving.
- Yes, we know Freebird.
- Andrew's still single.
- We'll have time to explain
what a ducat is.
- We'll teach you how to say
BROB DING NAG I AN
- We'll tell you stories about
the Amazing Elfred and his Super Llama (or we'll just bring a copy of
Monte Python's Holy Grail)
- You'll be the envy of all your
friends, and you can prove to them you do have bards at your house.
- We make wonderful scapegoats!
If you ever have any problems blame it on us.
- Lawn not mowed? "Oh, it
was those bards!"
- Forgot to write your mother?
"The bards were here!"
- Got a toothache? "Ouch!
Those blasted bards!"
- It's your time of the month
and you're running late? "Oh, those darn bards!"
- We'll figure out and play any
tune at your request except: country, blues, jazz, pop, rap, rock, metal,
calypso, cajun, reggae, electronica, and any sub-genres of the above
forms.
What you provide:
- a bed or couch or mattress
or blankets or sheets or floor or bathtub to sleep in
- a meal if you're feeling really
benevolent
- a shower or sink or hose
- a house concert if you really
want to help!
What you'll get from us:
- two smiling faces
- charm out the wazooo
- poetry and song
- a free CD
- a house concert
you pay nothing
just invite your friends and ask them to pay $7/ person
we'll send you a package on how to promote the house concert
Write
Us Now and
let's set up a time and place to stay and play! |
|
Ren Faires 24-7
Hey! Did you know you can listen to Ren Faire music all year long?
Yes. Any Dead Jester can dance and crack jokes, but it takes the Brobdingnagian Bards to create fun music that will cure your itch for great faire music twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.
Love Renaissance Faires? You'll love this CD...-Ghislaine de Rouen, Asst. ED, Louisiana Renaissance Festival
A Faire To Remember
You can Cure your Faire withdrawal today!
|
|
|
|
