House A Bard

Top 27 reasons why should you House-A-Bard?

1. Bards look great on the mantle, and there are two of us so we make great book ends.
2. We'll play for food.
3. You can host a house party while we're there, and we'll play?
4. Support the arts without giving to a political party or wondering how your money is being used.
5. It's tax deductible!
   (Well, we're not sure about that, but it sounds cool)
6. You'll have two Brobdingnagian lads to help work in the fields for a day or two. (at least, while we're there)
7. You'll never have to say your sorry. We'll do that for you.
8. We'll tuck you in at night and sing you a lullaby.
9. Nothing gets a romantic meal going better than real- life troubadors serenading you.
10. We're musicians who actually appreciate hygiene and cleanliness.
    
    
11. We'll teach/perform stupid bard tricks.
12. We scream loudly when poked by hot, sharp, cold, blunt objects. Doubly so in the morning.
13. Marc makes a great babysitter.
    (HEY!!)
    (After the kids have tied up Andrew)
14. Did I mention hygiene? (No need to spray for fleas afterwards. That's only for minstrels.)
15. We don't mind sleeping with the dog in the dog house.
    (You should see some of Andrew's ex's)
16. We know how to use a blender.
    (Push a button, right?)
17. If you don't, we'll be forced to go out onto the street.
    (Or some other guilt-related argument.)
18. If you do, we MAY breed with the locals.
19. We don't eat much. We're musicians. We're used to starving.
20. Yes, we know Freebird.
    
    
21. Andrew's still single.
22. We'll have time to explain what a ducat is.
23. We'll teach you how to say BROB DING NAG I AN
24. We'll tell you stories about the Amazing Elfred and his Super Llama (or we'll just bring a copy of Monte Python's Holy Grail)
25. You'll be the envy of all your friends, and you can prove to them you do have bards at your house.
26. We make wonderful scapegoats! If you ever have any problems blame it on us.
    • Lawn not mowed? "Oh, it was those bards!"
    • Forgot to write your mother? "The bards were here!"
    • Got a toothache? "Ouch! Those blasted bards!"
    • It's your time of the month and you're running late? "Oh, those darn bards!"
27. We'll figure out and play any tune at your request except: country, blues, jazz, pop, rap, rock, metal, calypso, cajun, reggae, electronica, and any sub-genres of the above forms.

What you provide:

• a bed or couch or mattress or blankets or sheets or floor or bathtub to sleep in
• a meal if you're feeling really benevolent
• a shower or sink or hose
• a house concert if you really want to help!

What you'll get from us:

• two smiling faces
• charm out the wazooo
• poetry and song
• a free CD
• a house concert
      you pay nothing
      just invite your friends and ask them to pay $7/ person
      we'll send you a package on how to promote the house concert