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Jedi Football League

by Glen Martin

Mmmm, Cheerleaders....

Pat: Welcome to Mos Eisley Stadium, where the Coruscant Imperials are taking the field against the Tattooine Rebels. I'm Pat Sommeral, and with me is John Madden.

John: We have a great game lined up today, possibly the best since Clone Bowl I. The rivalry between these two powerhouse teams is fierce, heightened by a family feud between Imperial quarterback Darth Vader and his son, rookie Rebel quarterback Luke Skywalker. I spoke to Rebel coach Yoda a few hours before the game, and he expressed some doubts about young Skywalker's ability to handle the pressure. Let's play that clip...

Yoda: Much fear I sense in him, like his father. Not ready is he...

John: However, assistant coach Obiwan Kenobi, who was also Vader's coach years ago, was a little more upbeat about Skywalker's chances, although, being in etherial form, we were unable to interview him on camera.

Pat: We're getting close to kickoff time, so we'll soon find out. Skywalker has quite a bit of help from his team. With a Wookie for a fullback, the Rebels should have no trouble accumulating rushing yardage. It remains to be seen, though, whether the young rookie will be able to connect to wide receiver Han Solo and pick up passing yardage.

John: Of course, early in the season, he was doing fairly well with passes at Princess Leia Organa, until he learned that she was his sister. *laughs*

Pat: There appears to be a slight delay in the game due to some Tusken Raiders taking pot shots at the field from the endzone. A patrol of Stormtroopers has been dispatched to execute them...

John: Whoah, these Tattooine fans are a really rough crowd. Earlier, there was some trouble with some Jawas trying to steal the camera droids.

Pat: On the Imperial side, Coach Palpatine has provide Vader with some of his finest Imperial Stormtroopers, as well as signing free agent Bobba Fett as a receiver, the only other real standout. Seems that turnover on this team is pretty bad.

John: That's right, Pat. Word has it that Vader strangled Fett's predecessor his first day on the team. Not someone folks are fond of playing with without one heck of a signing bonus--or direct orders.

Pat: The Imperials have won the toss and elected to receive...and there's the kickoff.

John: Oh my God! Half of the Rebel team has just been obliterated by a blast from an orbiting Stardestroyer! Flags on the play.

Pat: The refs will undoubtedly access a penalty on the Imperials for unnecessary roughness and unsportsmanlike conduct.

John: Wait a minute. The ref who was about to call the penalty is choking. Medics are rushing out onto the field. The other refs seem a bit uncertain about what they should do.

Pat: I think this would be a good time to go to commercial while all of this gets sorted out...

*cut to Bud commercial*

Sketch by Glen Martin, former entertainment director for Excalibur Fantasy Faire and web designer for Techwind.

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