SCIENTISTS WARN AGAINST END OF EARTH

Seattle(AP) -- University of Washington scientists today warned that theEarth would cease to exist if a well-known bard were to don a pair of tights.

Ivan Freixhley, a professor in the Dept. of Geology, warned the media sternly at a press conference today: "It is absolutely vital that Andrew McKee never wear tights.  The resulting forces would rend the earth's crust open from that point, causing the tectonic plates of the planet to shift, for lava to spew forth -- we're talking the apocalpyse, here."

Mr. McKee could not be reached for comment.  However, June Boggs, an associate professor at UW, remarked, "His eyes are so dreamy!"

The UW Geology dept. later released a statement indicating that Freixhley and Boggs were subject to an investigation relating to possible drug use, and had been put on administrative leave indefinitely.

press release exerpt from Rimbo--Nagian